PonderousMan

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Thu, 15 May 2008 19:56:21 GMT

I found this on an interesting site called SlideShare, which is sort of like YouTube for slide shows.

But the truly cool thing is the very well done presentation which shows pretty clearly why so-called "artificial intelligence" is anything but... (I tried to write a paper on this in grad school, and got a B- (which is the grad school equivalent of a D), so this presentation was covering a topic near and dear to my (philosophical) heart...)

I guess this probably means that the impending Tech Singularity is not to be... but then I wasn't too worried about that in the first place... after all, who would do the O/S upgrades for the new World Rulers?

Will computers surpass us in the near future?

From: bnox, 8 hours ago

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Will computers surpass us in the near future?
Promises and problems of artificial intelligence
Koen Vervloesem, IT and science journalist
kvervloesem@gmail.com
May 14 2008
Brussels Girl Geek Dinner #5

SlideShare Link

Watch those goalposts fly by...

Wed, 07 May 2008 19:34:04 GMT

In another prescient commentary, Keith Olbermann does it again, cataloging the list of moving criteria for what should "count" in the democratic race...

Of course, now the news is filled with reports that Hillary will use the "nuclear option" - no, not nuking Iran, but fighting for the rump Michigan and Florida delegations to be seated at the convention - and may fight during the convention itself.

Given how George McGovern has now bailed on Hillary, and Wes Clark is telling her to drop out*, I think the clock is really ticking now. The only question is, will she bother to notice?

* OK, maybe not - the HuffPo article on this is now gone, replaced by this one... So is this CYA, or a misreport, or...? Could this show how Hillary is thrashing, or just how the press is eager to find some resolution here?

More JoCo-PnS Goodness

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:00:36 GMT

Jonathan Coulton with Paul & Storm
Majestic Theater, Madison
Friday, 2 May 2008 7:00 PM (<--note time change, I got it wrong before!)

For those of you who somehow doubt that YOU NEED TO GO SEE THIS SHOW, here are just a few examples of how awesome this show will be.

Note: These videos are hot off the Internets - the bytes have barely settled into their bins, this is so hot!!!

Paul and Storm singing Nugget Man, Seattle, 26 April 2008

This may be the same song as in my original post, but you can catch the spirit of banter here...

Code Monkey - Seattle, 26 April 2008

This is a great example of how fun these shows are - plus how awesome the songs are:

Molly sings Tom Cruise Crazy - Seattle, 26 April 2008

Last but far from least, this is the JoCo performance debut of Molly (aka sweetafton23 on YouTube), singing JoCo's Tom Cruise Crazy. Molly's ukelele based rendition of this song launched her success on YouTube, and there are many other great videos on her YouTube Channel.

Anyone who watches these videos and then says, "Aw, I don't need to go to this show..." is la lost soul, truly hopeless. If you are such a person, then I pray for you.

For the rest of you, if you can't get to the Majestic to get tickets ASAP, then contact me ASAP so I can get you a ticket!!!!

The Return of JoCo and PnS!!!

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 03:06:40 GMT

(Edit: Corrected Show time to 7 PM...)
Friday, Friday, Friday!!!!

Yes, this Friday, May 2nd will see the triumphant return of Jonathan Coulton to the Majestic Theater in Madison, accompanied by his award-winning Opening Band (sic), Paul and Storm.

You may have heard any number of things about these two acts, from their odd onstage antics to the terrible incident at Coultonfield, but the fact is they are even more amazing and entertaining in person... especially with the sort of crowd that Madison brings to a show like this!

The show is scheduled to begin at 7 PM, or whenever Paul and Storm get around to kicking things off with their trademark opening song. There will be the normal wisecracking and offbeat-but-insightfully tuneful humorous music for a number of songs, and then the true chaos and mayhem will begin when JoCo takes the stage.

A few notes about the show:

There WILL be Pirates, Mad Scientists, Zombies and Pyschotic Computers there. You have been warned.
People with moral objections to chicken nuggets, Peeps, or apostles may be faced with new personal dilemmas.
While there is likely to be a Nun Fight during the show, it is not likely to get physical.
Anyone with aversions to monkeys, dwarf planets, laughing hysterically, or wonderful songs is strongly encouraged to STAY AWAY.

Since last December's show sold out on the night of, all are STRONGLY encouraged to get tickets AHEAD OF TIME. (Online tix are available here, but the "extra fees" are at least $3-5...) If you really want to go but can't get tix beforehand, let me know, I will likely be picking up tickets a few times during the week (at least until they are actually sold out...)

And remember, a splendid time is guaranteed for all!

Of course I can't post about a JoCo/PnS concert without including a few videos.. so here are some new ones you may not have seen.

Paul and Storm singing their Easter Song:

A new version of JoCo's classic Flickr video, done by mega-fan Spiff:

Inflation? What inflation?

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 13:45:28 GMT

This morning NPR's Weekend Edition Saturday had an interview with the proprietor of a pizza place in Portland.

He said the price of wheat has tripled in the last year, and that dairy prices have kept rising for over a year, including a rise of over 25% in one week. But he said they have only raised their prices 10%, since they had not changed for years and years, and wanted to try and contain them...

So how long until these sorts of price changes start showing up in government statistics?! How many more costs are being socked by businesses (especially small businesses), and how long can they keep doing that?

Is this what was going on in '73-'75, which was followed by the mess of the late 70s? Or is this different somehow?

I don't want to spread FUD, but while I was less worried about this domestically, now I'm feeling very uneasy...

Interesting Times

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:46:30 GMT

So today on NPR's arketplace, they had a yet another report on how global commodity prices keep rising. Commodities include such things as steel, wood, or oil (which we all have heard about) - but it also includes basic foodstuffs, like wheat, corn, and rice.

A couple of weeks back there was a report from a bakery in the US, where they pointed out the price of wheat has risen nearly 50% over the last year. Dunno if anyone's seen that at the grocery store, but you will. There's
also been a lot of discussion about the high price of corn, due to

Well here's some really lovely news to make you feel really good about where the world is headed: the price of rice, which was $250 a ton in 2005, $300 a ton in 2006, and $500 ton at the start of the year, is now $850 a ton.

Yep, you got that right - the price of rice has *doubled* in the last six months.

And you know, while we all love corn and wheat, the interview pointed out that 1.5-2 BILLION people eat rice as their major primary or sole source of food (it's hardly just the Japanese...or SE Asia, it's also large parts of Africa).

As a result, several countries have now stopped exporting rice, to help manage domestic prices - which of course means the global price will keep rising.

There were food riots in Haiti last week (I caught the brief report on NPR, but saw NO other coverage)... and now one wonders where else we may see them.

Oh, and in addition to housing prices continuing to fall, building permits tanked, which suggests that new construction is almost dead in the water.

Meanwhile, while Rome smoulders, Wall Street celebrated the apparently glowing stock earnings of several major banks (gee, wonder how carefully those were audited?) by seeing the DJIA go up 2%.

Talk about short term views...

Interesting times, folks, interesting times.

I'm going to go to archery now, and have some careful conversations with certain people...

The Interwebs as a Force for Evil

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:25:09 GMT

Once again, those fine folks at 23/6 (the Onion-like spinoff of HuffPo) have found a real life video clip that even the most whacked out comedy writer could not top - if it were not so goddamned sad.

This video of parents blaming the Internet for kids attacking their daughter is simply.. mind-numbing. Has it gotten to the point where we can't hold parents responsible for their children's behavior anymore? Or are these parents, like so many others, simply clueless about where real responsibility lies?

OK, you don't have to answer that one... the answer is pretty obvious, isn't it?

God help us all. *deep sigh*

IotD: Active Listening

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:17:04 GMT

In the first of what may be a series (I know, I suck at these things), I'm going to try an Idea of the Day posting...

On the Tech Republic 10 Things blog, I came across an article on "10 ways to explain things more effectively".

While writing a response to a snarky comment, I realized that this is really about Active Listening. As I wrote there (with links added to the site of Gordon Training International, which is where I learned about active listening):

(Previous comment:)
How are you supposed to ask someone ... to explain what you just said in their own words? And to ask them without sounding like their mother or teacher or just a plain jerk?

(My response:)
The answer to this is to turn it on its head - don't ask someone to repeat themselves, try summarizing what you heard, and ask them if you got it right.

The key is to simply state what it is you heard, trying to be clear and non-judgemental (of course that is the hard part - and it takes time to learn to do it well).

This technique is called Active Listening (and a bunch of other things, depending on who's using it and why), and it's been used in many fields, from industrial management and gathering requirements to personal relationships. Once you learn to do it well, it can improve your communication dramatically.

(One book I would highly recommend on this is Leadership Effectiveness Training (LET), I don't recall the author but you should be able to find it via Google.)

My own meme-age: Joke Meme

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:04:42 GMT

OK, so while my recent kvetching about positive memes was rather cranky, I do enjoy a good meme, and so I've come up with my own:

------------------------------------

The Joke Meme!!!

Sure, there's lots of things to laugh at in the world, but we all can use a little humor in our lives.

Leave a comment with a joke, and I will respond in kind. Then post this in your journal, and spread the laughs!

Note that with all the cross-posting folks often do as meme's spread, there's one special rule for this meme: you cannot use the same joke more than once!

Da Compliment/Liking Meme

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 23:26:15 GMT

(taken from naughtyaelf...)

if you comment on this post, I will reply with something nice about you or why I like you. Then do the same on your journal, if you want to play too.

(On a side note... why are all these memes so happy? Why aren't there any "Post an insult, and I will reply in kind", or "If you don't like me, say so, and if I feel the same way, I will respond..."?

OK, so maybe it's pretty obvious why... but still, don't you wonder?)

One more, really, then I'll stop

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 03:12:52 GMT

So of course whaddya know, with a meme this good, now there's a whole website devoted to it... and I just HAVE to share this one, because it's one of my favoritest songs ever (even though I've never seen the actual episode...)

From CultureGraph.com:

From

OK, just gotta do another...

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:56:05 GMT

made by eggwards, originally uploaded by boyshapedbox.

Some songs were just made for this meme - and I think this may be the best example.

(I expect there's a related diagram with all the bits from the fast talking... aquaman, sushi, LeAnnRimes, etc... tho if I don't find one, maybe I can make one. *grin*)

Song Chart Meme

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:47:40 GMT

made by xianjessen, originally uploaded by boyshapedbox.

As further proof of how true-lee arf-sum this whole Inter-webz 2-dot-OH thing is, I went a wandering around and somehow managed to come across the Song Chart Meme on Flickr.

This is just one of MANY truly hilarious entries out there... We should see if they can get this added as an RSS-feed-based LJ Community.

One interesting thing that seems to show up from this meme - it may be that nearly every pop song can be represented by a simple flowchart, as demonstrated above.

While this may be a logical corollary to the idea that pop songs tend to be simplistic... I don't think it stops there. I think there may be something MUCH deeper involved.... I'm just not sure what. It may be the key to AI-via-pop-songs, or perhaps a new take on human psychology... but one way or another, I think this needs looking into.

FreezePop Forever!!!

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 01:28:06 GMT

OK, in an attempt to shatter my own procrastination record, I am going to plug a show that starts in just over 24 hours from when this post will go live...

FREEZEPOP PLAYS MADISON FOR FREE!!!!

Yes, that's write, Freezepop, the synthpop geniuses behind Guitar Hero and Rock Band hits like Less Talk More Rokk and Get Ready to Rokk, will be playing in Madison this Friday (that's TOMORROW) - and the show is FREE!

What: Freezepop (with Joy Electric opening)
Where: Club 770, Union South, UW-Madison
When: Friday, 28 March 2008, 9:30 PM
Cost: FREE!!!!!

Note that as with other Club 770 shows, this show is nominally for UW students, staff and faculty only - but all that means is that you may need to ask one of the students at the show to ask you in as their "guest".

For those who may not be familiar with the work of this awesome band, I've added some videos below, so you can get a sense of their music and attitude... which could be summed up as all pop, all fun, all the time!

There are a whole lot of wonderful videos for Freezepop songs, but here are some of the best:

First, the video for what is arguably their biggest hit, Less Talk, More Rokk, :

Next, their "anthem song", Freezepop Forever:

To top that off, we'll have to go with Parlez-vous Freezepop, which really makes the Freezepop ethic (sic) clear...

And finally, just for my friend Garrett, and any other Nippo-philes out there, I just have to include the following:

LJ Content Strike

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:25:46 GMT

So while I was not online in time to hear about the LJ Content Strike before it started, I did log on this afternoon to post, and found our about it, and abstained from posting until the requisite window passed.

I have to agree with those who say that the new ownership's handling of the recent policy changes sucked rocks. And the censorship, aak! WTF?!

I really like LJ, but even more than that, freedom of expression is critical, and if LJ starts messing with it, I WILL go elsewhere.

Oddly enough, I don't think this is just the new management, I think there are some folks in the middle somewhere who have an issue... right after I joined, there was a big to-do over a bunch of accounts that were deleted for "inappropriate content", which supposedly meant exploitation of children, etc. - but also included many blogs for abuse survivors, run-of-the-mill pagans, etc. It turned out the rather long list of "bad users" was generated by a bunch of right-wing christian nut cases, and for some reason the LJ staff just went ahead and purged the whole list of accounts without questioning it...

Maybe it was some other mid-management flake who made that call... but I guess my point is that for some reason LJ seems to just struggle with this. Of course, so has Google and lots of other Web 2.0 places - though LJ does seem to pull some real boners from time to time.

Here's hoping the management catches on - without users, LJ will wither and die just like anything else.

Election Day Humor

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 22:27:05 GMT

The folks over at Huiffington Post have put together 23/6, a clearly derivative attempt to channel The Onion (i.e. their slogan: "Some of the News - Most of the Time")....but some of it is pretty good.

The latest and greatest is a lovely little slideshow called Road to the White House. It lasts over 4 minutes, but it's worth it, especially for the McCain bits at the end.

(Remember, if elected, McCain would be the oldest sitting president EVAR.... :P )

Sucky Sickage

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:17:33 GMT

So last night as I slept, my nose was feeling worse and worse, but I thought it was that my CPAP machine had run out of water. (It uses distilled water, which was one of the very few things I forgot to get last time I went shopping...)

When I got up, it felt pretty raw... and N-meister (the kid) was blowing and sniffling. "Oh great," I thought, "we may both be coming down with something..."

And now, six hours later, my sinuses and my throat feel sore and raw, I'm blowing like a whale, and the body aches are starting.... UGH!

Of course, I would get sick right when the ex is off to San Diego for the whole week... Hrmph.

I just hope that N-meister doesn't get as sick as me. So far he's just blowing (a LOT, and sneezing as well), and his energy is a bit lower than usual, but he says otherwise he's feeling fine.

Fingers crossed...

Please Stand By

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:03:15 GMT

OK, so I finally determined yesterday that the lack of any decent internet connection in my house since last weekend is not because my Macbook or Airport are flaky, but because the signal from TDS is crap.

Of course I can get on the Net from work... but, well, there's that whole "doing work" part, and fact is I'm facing some nasty deadlines... so much for posting about Thing a Day... *sigh*

So now I get to wait another two days for them to send me a new DSL Modem... and if that doesn't work, THEN they can check the line.

The fact that the line goes out on a regular basis when there's a lot of rain - though usually only for 24 hours - doesn't appear to interest them, at least not until they have me try the new modem first. (Ach, yes, I used to to tech support, I understand.. and my current DSL modem is 5 years old... but still, I would be money with TDS on it being somewhere along the line, if they would let me...)

So anyway, I will probably have a whole lot of stuff to post early next week... :P

TaD Day 6: More Cooking (with a Bonus Recipe!)

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 05:34:14 GMT

(@#$@#!ing WordPress ate my first draft… I was royally cheesed, but re-editted it again because I was really proud of what I had written… I apprear to have finally recreated it… *whew*!)

OK, since today was a snow day (and I mean SNOW DAY, 12-ish inches of blowing white stuff everywhere!), I’m once again punting and going with something I cooked. Once again this is a red pepper dish, but that uses up my red peppers, so I don’t expect to see many more of these. I also am including a Bonus Recipe at the end - but first, today’s dish, which I will call…

Red Pepper Curry Rice

I threw this together while making lunch today, since the kid can eat mac-and-cheese, but I can’t. This is another recipe that avoids dairy (I am lactose intolerant) and “white starch” (since I do not do well with high glycemic index stuff.), and this can also be made vegetarian (though I didn’t make it that way myself).

Prep Time: 10 mins

Cook Time: 10 mins

Makes 2 servings

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp peanut oil (or canola oil)

1 yellow onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, diced

2 red peppers, diced

1 tsp curry powder (Penzey's Hot Oriental Curry Powder is the best!)

1 Tbsp Soy Sauce (or Tamari, if you prefer)

1 tsp red pepper flakes (optional)

1 tsp Siracha (Thai Hot Sauce) (optional)

Cooked chicken (optional, but yummy!)

2 cups cooked rice (Quick Cook Brown Rice preferred - see Bonus Recipe at end!)

Directions:

Heat oil in medium frying pan over medium heat. (Peanut oil is recommended for a more asian flavor, but canola will do as well.) When oil is hot, brown garlic and onions for 1-2 minutes. Add red peppers and sautee for 4-5 minutes, until peppers are cooked through. Add curry powder, soy sauce, and red pepper flakes and.or Siracha sauce, if desired. You can also add chicken at this point, if you want some protein (I used 2 drumsticks or 1 thigh). Cook for a few minutes to mix flavors and cook down the soy sauce a bit.

Serve over rice, with additional soy sauce and/or Siracha if you like.

And now, as promised, a Bonus Recipe...!

David’s Quick Cook Brown Rice

This is a recipe I came up with because my system really doesn’t like “white starch” like white rice, but I hate waiting for brown rice to cook. The rice ends up maybe a bit chewier than “normal” brown rice, but when it’s mixed with good toppings (like the dish above), I don’t even notice…

Because the whole point is to get more fiber in the rice, look for brown rice that has more fiber in it - you can find varieties with 3-4 g fiber per 1/4 cup serving (even cheap “house brand” brown rice can have this, even when Riceland, etc. may not…)

(Amounts for rice and water are given in proportions so that you can adjust for how much rice you want to make. Note that 1 part dry rice usually leads to 2 parts cooked rice, so in this recipe, 1/2 cup brown rice plus 3/4 cup water will end up as 1 cup cooked rice.)

Ingredients

2 parts high-fiber brown rice

3 parts water

1 Tbsp oil (peanut for Asian dishes, olive for Mediterranean dishes, or canola for whatever…)

Directions:

Measure out rice and put in pan, then water and put in pan. (If you do it this way, then you can use the same measuring cup for both without ending up with wet rice stuck in the cup…). Add oil, cover the pan, and place over high heat until it boils. Once the pan boils over, take the lid off, stir the rice, and then turn it down to MEDIUM-HIGH. (Yes, that’s medium high, not medium or low - this is where the quick cook part comes in.) Put lid back on pan tightly, and cook for 20-25 minutes, until the water is all boiled off… and voila! You have real brown rice in just 25 minutes!

------------------------------

Oh, and just for the record -- TaD Stats:

Total Cooking time: 20 mins
Total Write up time (lost first draft) 15 mins
Rewrite time (damn the internet gets slow sometimes...) 30 minutes

So once again I spent more time blogging (or failing to blog, really) about TaD as actually doing the Thing... *sigh*

TaD Day 1: Two Cooking Things

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 03:22:55 GMT

OK, out of a bit of desperation, I am going to use some cooking I did today as my thing, just so I can make sure I have today covered. The first is what I threw together for brunch, the second was for a late lunch.

Ad Hoc Pepper Pasta Sauce

This was thrown together on the fly for a late breakfast one morning, using what I had on hand. (I would normally never use Oscar Meyer bologna for a dish like this, but the kids ate all the pepperoni during the D&D game the previous weekend…!) This dish has no dairy, and uses high fiber whole wheat pasta to reduce the glycemic index of the final result.

Ingredients:

2 red bell peppers

1 green bell pepper

3 cloves garlic

2 small red onions

1 Tbsp Olive Oil

Thyme, Basil, Parsley, or other Italian spices

4 oz bologna, salami, pepperoni, or similar meat (FYI: one slice commercial bologna = 1 oz)

4 oz (2 servings) whole wheat pasta (spaghetti, linguine, etc.)

Directions:

Dice garlic and red onions, and set aside together in a bowl.

Dice peppers, keeping some seeds if you want some extra heat, and set aside in a bowl.

Cut bologna or other meat into small pieces, about 1/2″ squares.

In a medium pan, heat Olive oil over medium heat. When oil is hot, add onions and garlic, and sautee until tender, about 5 mins. (You can also do this over med-high heat for as much as 10 mins to get the onions more carmelized.)

When onions are cooked as you want them, add peppers, and sautee until cooked, about 7-10 mins. (Be sure to turn down the heat to medium if you did the carmelized onions…) Add spices at this point if you prefer a more mellow flavor; for a stronger taste, add them with the meat in the next step.

Once peppers are cooked through, add the meat, stirring briskly to mix in into the rest of the dish. Continue cooking for another 5-10 minutes, depending on how you want the meat done.

Cook pasta according to package directions, and drain in a colander afterwards.

Serve pepper dish over the pasta, it should provide at least two servings worth. (One could add parmesan cheese as well, but this is contra-indicated for the lactose intolerant… *grin*)

Chicken Pepper Pasta Soup

This recipe uses the makings from the Ad Hoc Pepper Pasta Sauce to “zing up” some chicken soup, and adds whole wheat pasta for some high-fiber carbs. A balanced meal in every bowl! (Well, at least on the way there…)

Ingredients:

3 quarts (12 cups) chicken broth (the real thing is much preferable to boullion for this recipe)

One batch Ad Hoc Pepper Pasta Sauce (see above)

8-12 oz whole wheat pasta

8-12 oz chicken, deboned and skin removed (I used 1 thigh, 2 wings and two drumsticks)

Hot sauce (optional)

Directions:

Cook pasta according to package directions and drain well in a colander.

Bring broth to a boil in a medium soup pan (~1 gal). Add Ad Hoc Pepper Pasta Sauce ingredients, deboned chicken, and cooked pasta. Continue cooking for 5 minutes to let flavors blend. Add hot sauce, if desired.

Enjoy!

Powerful moments

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 03:58:38 GMT

berzerker_prime posted a very nice message about this week being the anniversary of all three major disasters in the US spaceflight program - Apollo One, Challenger, and Columbia.

She included this very powerful YouTube video:

This video brought back some rather strong memories, which I wrote about in a comment to her post, but then decided I would share them here as well.... (I should also acknowledge that I got to hear Wil Wheaton reading from his works for the first time earlier tonight, so if there is a certain stylistic tone here, it is meant as the sincerest form of flattery...) It turns out I went rather beyond my original comments, but in a good way, albeit via a much longer and harder path....

I was a senior in high school when the Challenger blew up, dashing between classes when several kids came up to me and said "Did you hear the shuttle blew up?" "Oh, right, sure!" I said...

I assumed they were jerking my chain, because I was one of the leading science students in the school, a known space nut, and also was participating in a NASA contest to fly science experiments on the shuttle. Heck, I was a shoe in - my experiment, "Quantitative Analysis of Iron in Iron Ore in Microgravity", was hand-picked by my chemistry teacher, who already had two national winners in the contest (both of which eventually had their experiments fly on the shuttle). In fact, at that point he was on the teacher advisory board for the contest, so my actual "advisor" was another chemistry teacher, who was basically just along for the ride. I had spent weeks the year before writing up the proposal and drawing up ideas for ways to handle liquids for wet chemistry - basically a classic reduction titration process - on a (then-)newfangled Macintosh Plus. (ah, the joys of learning MacPaint and MacDraw...!) Thanks to that work, I had already been a Regional finalist the year before, but we knew that was just the dry run, and this year we should come out on top.

And so I was pretty skeptical... but after several rounds of "sure, right, uh huh" countered with "no, really, we saw it on TV", I realized maybe they really weren't kidding, and dashed off to the media center, where I saw it on the TV screens right away.

With that explosion, my hopes of winning the NASA contest were blown apart too... Even though I had lots in my favor, my experiment involved using concentrated sulfuric and phosphoric acids to test the iron content in iron ore. As the NASA staffer on the review team at that year's Regionals told me, "it's going to be a while before we let anything stronger than tap water on the Shuttle." So much for my promising career as a space scientist...

But what really blew up that day was my optimism - or perhaps, a certain naivete' - about how glamorous and cool space flight really is. I had wanted to be an astronaut since I could remember, probably starting when my parents got me up at 4 in the morning to watch the Apollo-Soyuz docking live. Though I already had the glasses and extra weight, so I was probably not a good candidate already, I still had hopes of getting my act together and ending up as a Mission Specialist. I was certainly rather familiar with the general and specific criteria for becoming an astronaut, even for someone of that age. But while I knew about Apollo One intellectually, I never really thought about what a major systems failure meant on a rocket... until I saw that image. It was four days before my eighteenth birthday, and looking back I think that day was a major turning point in my life.

I don't know for sure, but I think that may have put a serious dent in some of my motivation to pursue science... at least, events after that seem to fit that pattern. Of course, certain slackerish patterns were already well established, but then before Challenger, being a slacker didn't seem to be a lifestyle, more of just sort of goofing off.

It was affer Challenger that things seemed to fall apart, rather dramatically. I got into Cal Tech just a few months later (even with my 680 Math score, which I thought at the time wasn't nearly good enough). However, a week before my campus visit, my father had a heart attack and nearly died. Though that was the longest night of my life (so far), the following couple of weeks did their best to rival it... in addition to flying to California to visit Cal Tech, I had to go to Washington, where the National meeting of the Shuttle contest was held that year, and I also had to somehow figure out what college to go to. I ended up spending at least two days skipping school, or rather class, since I was in the back rooms of the chemistry department, making sure I had the procedures down for the experiment... and then dashing off to Washington, where I got the bad news that I was almost certainly screwed, and then off to California for 12 hours of sheer climatic and culture shock (having never been in California, seen mountains looming on the horizon, palm trees in the freeway medians, and getting to spend a night in the same dorm that Real Genius was filmed in), and then on arrival back at O-Hare, tromped down to the University of Chicago, where my recovering father had managed to get me an interview with the head of the department of Astrophyics, shepherded by his friend from grad school, who happened to be Provost at the time.

All of which was about to break me, I think... or lead me into very strange and unknown lands. In my heart I know I wanted to go to Cal Tech, but was terrified I couldn't cut it... and then my mother settled it for me, when she said there was no way in hell I could go to school in California with my dad the way he was. I know now what she was really saying was there was no way in hell I could leave her alone to deal with what had happened,,, but one way or another, that was that.

And just as it had when I saw that screen, and in the hospital waiting room, I think something in me died that day... and I never realized how those things were related until now....

That's a really scary and powerful thing to have hidden for so long, and I am crying right now thinking about it.

Today, 22 years later - god in heaven, how can it have been that long? - I'm not really sure if I've dealt with that original blow, much less the many that came after it - both self-inflicted, and from the rest of the world going on around me.

Astonishingly, I just realized that my mother died on January 24th, nearly 11 years to the day after the Challenger. Which means it was just a few days later - quite possibly the 27th - that Jen came back (she was out of the country - on vacation in the Caribbean - when my Mom died), and we were able to be reunited during a very hard time.

Just a few weeks before, at Christmas dinner with my family, Jen and I had been talking about maybe moving to Berkeley or San Francisco... and my mother had said (and this is a quote) "you'll move to Berkeley over my dead body!" After a short stunned silence, I think we all moved on from that awkward moment, and Jen and I had continued discussing the idea of going to Cali. I was not as enthusiastic, but at the same time I was not bound by the quite the same ties, as my father had passed on nearly 7 years earlier, and even though I took care of Mom for a while after that, I had already left home to go to school... the fact we were in the Fox Valley at that point was because of Jen's work, not because of Mom needing help.

And so it was in that same time frame, late January, of 1997 that Jen was with me as I tried to grieve the loss of my mother, and cope with the idea of being an orphan - even if I was nearly 30, it was a hard thing to have lost both parents. But what I realized was that I had someone who loved and cared for me... and so it was in that same time that I realized that I wanted to be with Jen, to have her love and support, and love and support her in turn. In other words, that was when I realized I was ready to get married.

And now tonight, another 11 years further on, I can see the track of that cycle, which has wound its course as well. After quite a bit of thought, I have come to see our marriage as kind of a sham. Not that we didn't both love each other, and not that we didn't both mean the best, but the fact is that if my mother hadn't died, and if Jen hadn't been able to arrive back from far away to comfort me, I don't know if I would have ever actually wanted to propose. I should be clear - none of this was Jen's fault at all, and I think she has loved me and supported me through much more than anyone should. It was I who was perpetrating the sham, albeit unknowingly. I was hurt, and had lost my second parent, my alcoholic, emotionally distant, controlling and manipulative mother. Jen was there for me, and so I looked to fill the hole with something different... but as Jen first pointed out, long ago, and I have slowly come to see, I put her into the same hole, and much of the pain I caused over the ensuing years came from my doing that. Only once I was able to see past that need for someone to fill that hole, to see how I was hurting Jen and Noah and myself, was I able to see that I got married for a lot of wrong reasons. There was one really good, right reason for it - Jen - but unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough (and still am not) to get past all that other garbage to be able to love her the way she deserves.

And so the cycle has run its course again. While Jen and I are technically still married, our marriage has been finished for some time, at least a year or two, I am once again alone, and struggling to figure out what it is I want, or even need, at this point in my life. I have a son to care for, who I love greatly, but who also raises challenges I am not well suited for, temperamentally or emotionally. I am the oldest living member of my family tree, and even my siblings and I are estranged. I have a great group of friends who I try to spend time with, but I am not very close to many of them, much as I would like to be, and I struggle to find ways to deepen those friendships... much less find someone for a truly intimate relationship.

Tonight is the evening of my 40th birthday. I was wondering what I might do to prepare for such an occasion... but I guess a little bit of wool gathering and stock-taking is appropriate, even if it's not quite where I expected to be. I have joked for the last several years that I was trying to stay in the 18-35 demographic, but resigned myself to really face turning 40. I'm not sure if I'm quite there, not yet, but this little journey down memory lane has been quite the trip.

At the risk of sounding cheesy, I guess I look at the 11-year-odd cycles above and see rising and falling, but even while those patterns make up much of my life, they are do not make that life exclusively. I know that whatever direction I am coming from, I am always free to choose to look to the future, and go in new directions, each day. Between my ADD and my well-honed cynicism, its hard to stand in a really optimistic path. (After all, Atlantis has yet to launch this time around... and I really am convinced there is a nuclear 9/11 in our future, never mind whatever crap falls out of the current economic mess.) But even with all those things, there are still so many bright things in the world - sunrises, and long walks in the forest, and talking until late in the night with friends; games to be played, quests to role-play, and battles to be fought; hands to be held, smiles to be shared, and love to be felt.

The Alan Parsons album On Air is, like many of Parsons' works, a thematic album. (You just knew I had to work Alan Parsons in here, right? *grin*) On Air is about the history of air and space travel. The narrative of the album starts with Icarus, wends its way through balloons and early aircraft and military jets. The narrative ends with So Far Away, a song about the space race, whose last verse says...

And so now they cry for justice
As if justice will be done
But the eye up in the sky
Was flying to close to the sun
The challenger has fallen
And the race has now been run....

While this seems a fairly downbeat way to end such a story, the very end of the album is a reprise of the first song, Blue Blue Sky...

I only know what i can see
So i imagine what could be
Where the horizon cuts the air
Look for me out there

Someday i'll touch the blue blue sky
Someday i'll touch the blue blue sky

If i could kiss the earth goodbye
And cruse the never ending sky
Where the horizon cuts the air
Wait for me down there

Someday i'll touch the blue blue sky
Someday i'll touch the blue blue sky

I guess what I'm feeling this evening is the same sort of flow... yes, the Challenger has fallen, and much has been lost. But there is always a new day, and new worlds to explore. As I turn 40, rather than facing a mid-life crisis, I think I see the potential for a mid-life exploration, and maybe even an adventure or two.

Good night, best wishes to everyone, I hope you have a great day on my birthday, and thanks for taking the time to read this. I really enjoyed sharing it with you all.

More Uke Magic

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 07:37:06 GMT

(Yes, I realize this probably seems like I am slowly becoming uke-obsessed... I'm not, but the fact is, my appreciation - and affection - for this odd little instrument is growing rapidly... )

Soon after I posted my recent entry on ukeleles, the talented and very cute Molly won the Ukelele Video of the Year Award from UkeleleHunt.com for her rendition of Jonathan Coulton's "Tom Cruise Crazy" Congratulations to her!!

Even better, though, around the same time she posted a new performance video - this time of an original song she wrote herself. You've just got to check this out....!

Of course, one can't look at one uke video on YouTube without checking out some of the related links... which tend to be more uke videos. But I will put these under a cut to spare those who are not as, er, appreciative of ukes...

First off, it turns out that Molly's performance of "Toxic" got two video responses. The first was some sort of attempt to do a genre commentary, I think, since it went with a boy band song...

The second video response was no great performance, but I found the attempt to "e-woo" someone rather touching, and the comments to the video were another rather curious mix...

Next we have a rather interesting performance of a classic tune - with post production and everything. What's most curious about this is the really quirky video... what is this guy on, and where do I get some?

Then we have an, er, educational piece, which discusses some of the history of the ukelele, and then uses a performance to demonstrate the versatility of the instrument in covering, ah, a wide range of material (all whie playing the same chords, even!)

(I was going to put this next one under the cut, but it is so amazing I have to share it...)

This next video is one of the most impressive performances I've ever heard on a string instrument of any sort. I have to say, my appreciation of the possibilities of ukelelei (sic) just shot thru the roof!

It turns out the performer, Jake, has some further links and videos at Midnight Ukelele Disco,
which appears to be a community cable show all about ukes - produced in Manhattan, of course. Why I'm not surprised to find such a place, the level of performances is quite amazing...

The interplay of good and evil on YouTube comments

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 05:52:55 GMT

JoCo's most recent blog entry is a wonderful slam on the haters who spam comment fields, especially on You Tube.

He was prompted to post this by the rather inane comments posted on one of his fan videos, a rather, er, remarkable piece by a young lady who clearly really loves to sing.

Looking at these infamous comments myself, I saw a rather interesting interplay of kindness and cruelty (two well-known lesser cousins of good and evil).

In some of the early comments, folks are just being mean, and it brings out some interesting exchanges...

Amunz0r (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Reply | Spam

obviously you have no idea about the game.
you held up a real gun... not a portal gun, jeez.
plus, its not JUST for xbox360, it was for the PC, xbox360, and ps3.

as far as the video goes, i give it a 2/10, your flat. really flat.

CupcakeAndTea (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Reply | Spam

i know it on ps3 and pc I just decided to stick xbox360 if it bugs you that much I will chnage it

and i know it a portal gun but i don't have one of those. do you? i just was having fun chill-lax ok?

thank you for your critism none the less

Amunz0r (1 day ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Reply | Spam

yes, i do have a replica portal gun. i also have a companion cube replica (weighs 50 pounds...), and a life-size glados replica.

uncleplayground (6 hours ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Reply | Spam

Then where's your fuckin' video, douche?

Great job, Nic. *wink* Made me smile.

MalignantHelicopter (5 hours ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Reply | Spam

ITS IN YOUR MOTHER.

What I find fascinating about this is that Amunz0r comes across as a total dickwad, pretty much, and even after Cupcake makes an amazongly gracious reply, he gets slammed by uncleplayground... who then turns around and complements the young lady, whom it appears he knows.. and then of course we have the obligatory "in your mother", because god knows you can't actually leave a chain like that alone.

(It's like Godwin's Law, which says that all Usenet flame wars end up invoking Hitler, which then totally destroys any coherence or rationality on the thread.... just for YouTube, maybe, or blog comments in general?)

And then we have the next exchange, which is really rather sweet:

Daedalus1337 (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Reply | Spam

You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen on the internet. I wish I could take you out for some cake sometime.

CupcakeAndTea (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Reply | Spam

lol thank you for the comment but remember the cake is a lie :P

CupcakeAndTea

At first I thought this was actually the young lady being coy, but I think she's simply playing it straight... I think.

The only thing that leaves me uncomfortable about all this is that the people being nice seem to be primarily older males - which is maybe a misreading, but between "uncleplayground" (I mean, how much more child-stalkerish could you get?)
and "Daedalus1337" (how could Daedalus be leet? showing his haxx0r flying sklz?) hitting on her, it's just like... *shudder*.

(So should there be yet another law about how any posting by any female will attract random creepy males who will make inappropriate comments? hrm.)

Shocking Story: Camp Liberty

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 03:24:06 GMT

The well known blog Huffington Post has a truly shocking video interview with a guard at Camp Liberty, which you will NOT want to miss.

While there, I recommend you watch some of their other investigative and insightful videos, it's some really powerful - and good - stuff.

Ukulelear madness

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 03:57:04 GMT

So for reasons I don't quite understand, there seems to be a weird ukelele thing going on on YouTube.

Thanks to Jonathan Coulton, I had the pleasure of discovering Molly, who does some very nice uke playing on YouTube, to wit:

(OK, sorry for the song choice... how about this instead?)

Anyway, apparently she and others have led JoCo to consider some more uke playing himself - after all, it helped with one of his greatest songs...

(to quote from one of the most recent YouTube comments for this video... "Best. Tambourine. Ever!")

All of which was odd enough (I won't go into how this led to my browsing thru a chain of uke-lover sites which just helped proved the Internets really do have just about everything possible on them...).

But then tonite, after following the RSS feed from LukeSki to the FuMP and then to Carrie Dahlby's MySpace page, I wondered what a user named "UkuLady" would be like, and found this:

OK, it's a bit, er, different - too bad the moustache didn't stick - but I think I kinda like it...!

But even after all this, I still wanna know - what's the deal with ukuleles (ukulelei?) on YouTube?

PonderousMan

Now *that's* what I'm talking about!

Will computers surpass us in the near future?

Watch those goalposts fly by...

More JoCo-PnS Goodness

The Return of JoCo and PnS!!!

Inflation? What inflation?

Interesting Times

The Interwebs as a Force for Evil

IotD: Active Listening

My own meme-age: Joke Meme

Da Compliment/Liking Meme

One more, really, then I'll stop

OK, just gotta do another...

Song Chart Meme

FreezePop Forever!!!

LJ Content Strike

Election Day Humor

Sucky Sickage

Please Stand By

TaD Day 6: More Cooking (with a Bonus Recipe!)

TaD Day 1: Two Cooking Things

Powerful moments

More Uke Magic

The interplay of good and evil on YouTube comments

Shocking Story: Camp Liberty

Ukulelear madness

Now that's what I'm talking about!